Ephesians 5:22-33
August 26, 2018
Proper 16B
Dear Saints of Our Savior~
Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. . . . Do I have your attention? I suspect I do have your attention because few passages of Scripture sound more jarring than this. The husband is the head of the wife. At best, those words sound quaint and old-fashioned to our modern ears. At worst, those words
But the fact is that God’s Word concerning husbands and wives has always been counter cultural. Just listen to what one Lutheran theologian wrote about this passage concerning submission and headship in marriage: These words . . . may not seem palatable to modern ears, but no pastor should stoop to surrender these words for the sake of pleasing the whims of our modern generation. The theologian who wrote that is named George Stoeckhardt. And the thing about George Stoeckhardt is that he died in 1913, over a century ago. There has never been a time when the whole world has simply nodded its head in agreement with the Lord’s divine design for husband and wife.
This is why it’s crucial to keep talking about God’s gift of marriage. It’s critical that you recognize the patterns and pathways that God has laid out for husbands and wives to follow. Weddings are always a great time to talk about marriage; but no one can listen very long at a wedding—what, with a party about to start and all. It’s a tricky topic for Sunday morning, too, since a good percentage of you are not currently married. But even if you’re a confirmed bachelor or bachelorette, the odds are pretty good that you came into this world through the marriage of your parents. Marriage matters. It’s the foundation for human life. It’s well worth our time and attention this morning.
You may recall how we studied the Three Estates back in January. The Three Estates are those three arenas of life—the three institutions—designed by God for the good of the whole world: the state, the church, and the family. Marriage, of course, falls under “family,” when a man leaves his father and mother to hold fast to his wife in a wonderful, intimate union that is closer than any other bond we have in this life. At the heart of marriage is a promise between a man and a woman that says, “It’s you and me, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.”
That marital promise is not based on feelings, but on faithfulness—on fidelity. This higher love between husband and wife is about as close as we can come to that kind of love we hear so much about in the Bible: agape. This love (agape) is a decision—an act of the will. It’s voluntary. It’s sacrificial. It’s undeserved. Tender, warm feelings are fine. Romance is alright. Passion can be a powerful force. But marital love isn’t based on tender feelings or romance or passion. Marital love is a deliberate act—an intentional choice to serve your spouse—even at those times when he or she isn’t being particularly lovable.
This is the love that God has for the world in Christ. This is the love that Christ has for His bride, the Church. It’s the kind of love that lays down one’s life for the sake of the other. This is the kind of love God has in mind when he tells husbands, “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This love gets expressed independent of feelings and circumstances. It perseveres for better or worse, richer or poorer, healthy or sick. This love hangs in there when you’d rather leave. This love embraces when you’d rather refrain. This love forgives when you’d rather keep a record of wrongs. This love is the love that God has for you in Jesus.
Through marriage God brings order to creation. And order is good. Sin brought disorder and chaos into the world and into every aspect of our humanity, including our sexuality. Nothing illustrates the depth of our sin and depravity better than how distorted and perverted human sexuality has become. In American culture, we normalize what is abnormal; and then seem surprised when abuse and assault and adultery continue to make the headlines. Marriage is part of God’s remedy for all that. Marriage gives order and structure right where we need it most.
And so, God says, “The husband is the head of the wife.” As the “head,” he leads. He guides. He directs. He protects. Notice that it says the husband is the “head,” which is not the same thing as the “boss.” It’s not that he’s superior and she’s inferior. He’s the head. And, if he’s the head, then as someone has aptly noted, she’s the heart. The two are designed to work together—to complement one another—to form a partnership through which God gives great blessings.
As my friend Pastor Eyer has so helpfully written, marriage is like dancing. On the dancefloor, when the husband leads well, his wife gets the glory and looks good and graceful. He’s leading, but she’s all the more better off for it. He never forces her into moves and rhythms that might make her stumble. He leads, but he never leads with power or force or coercion, but always with gentleness and wisdom. Husbands, are you leading? And, are you leading in these Christ-like ways?
She follows. She follows her head. She submits to her husband. She follows his lead, trusting him, letting him watch out for traffic on the dance floor. If both attempt to lead, they will stumble. If no one leads, they’re not dancing. But when he’s the head and she’s the heart—when he leads and she follows—the result can be a thing of great beauty. Wives, are you following your God-given head? And, are you following with gentleness and respect for him?
Husbands, it’s not about you. Wives, it’s not about you. Sure, you could sit down and come up with a long list of all your spouse’s faults, failures and shortcomings. But that’s not love, is it? Love is always about helping and serving and forgiving your spouse—the person to whom God has joined you. And that’s a higher love. That’s not amore. That’s agape.
There’s only been one perfect marriage in the long history of the world. And that’s the marriage between Christ and His church. And through faith in Jesus Christ you are a part of this perfect marriage—this match made in heaven and on earth. Regardless of whether you are single or married, divorced or widowed, you are the bride of Christ. From heaven He came and sought you to be His holy bride. With His own blood He bought you, and for your life He died. The greatest love story of all time tells us how the Son of God set aside all His heavenly glory to come among us and take on human flesh to woo and win for Himself a people of His own choosing. And the fact that we were clothed in the stained rags and wretchedness of our sin did not deter Him. This Bridegroom insists that we poor sinners be dressed in white. He loves us and gave Himself up for us.
Jesus makes you holy—makes you to be the most beautiful, radiant bride that ever walked down the aisle. He has cleansed you by the washing of water with the word in Holy Baptism. At the font He washed away all the ugliness of our sin—the ugliness of divorce and adultery, the ugliness of pornography and abuse and all the other selfish ways we ruin God’s gift of marriage—it is all washed away. Jesus took it all upon Himself on His crucifixion cross, so that you might be His holy bride, His radiant bride, without spot or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless. He whispers into your ear not just sweet nothings, but the very words of eternal life. Fine dining is His specialty, and He regularly serves up for you His precious body and blood in His holy Supper, bringing you forgiveness, faith, and life that lasts forever.
As husbands and wives receive the love of Jesus in these ways, something amazing happens. They find that their love for one another is actually deepening, strengthening, and growing with each passing year. And this love is not based on merit or performance, but on Jesus and His grace. Falling in love is great fun. Romance is great fun. But the higher love of husband and wife, expressed through submission and sacrifice—this is the love on which the engine of marriage runs—for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. Because Jesus has pledged you His faithfulness forever.
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
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